Relationships Change – How Do You Deal With It?

We’ve now started the NLP Practitioner Training and it was such a great reminder for me about how magic happens when the time is right.

I’ve presented this course 100’s of times and yet I am always in awe at the commitment people have towards building a good life and being the best person they can be.

One of the first things we look at is the Presuppositions of NLP, which are beliefs that were held by people who were consistently excellent at what they did. By taking on these beliefs, your perspective of the world changes and your relationships transform.

One of the presuppositions or beliefs is to respect each person’s model of the world. That can be challenging when we don’t agree with them. It’s so easy to judge others when they don’t think like us.

It doesn’t mean you agree with the person, it just means you are willing to respect them as a human being who has different life experiences to you and therefore sees the world through different eyes. When we approach them from this place, our communication completely changes.

What came out of this was a great conversation about relationships and friendship and how does this apply when you don’t agree with someone you care about.

What if you don’t agree with their behaviour? The question was, do you tell them?

So how do you respond especially when you’ve had a long standing relationship with the person. There are two ways you can go. One is deciding that you’re not aligned at a level of values and you walk away, or two, you accept the person because they mean a lot to you and support them where they’re at in their life.

One of the things about friendship is that it comes about because we’re aligned in our values. The same things are important to us. People change, circumstances change and sometimes we need to reevauate our relationship. There is no need to judge the person, you just need to decide if you’re still aligned. Sometimes that isn’t easy. Some people believe you stick with friends through thick and thin. That may be the case. And what you want to notice is do you still want to be friends based on the changes in the relationship? That isn’t an easy thing to look at. It takes courage and a commitment to honour yourself and the other person. Compromising your values will only lead to an unfulfilling relationship.

Another point that came up was around telling people what you think about their behaviour when you don’t agree. Unless you’ve been asked for your input or it affects you directly, it’s none of your business. Unsolicited advice and opinions only elicit defensive responses.

Accept the person as they are or release them without judgment.