We all know how important it is to take a break and yet it’s easier said then done.

How do you find the time when life is so busy already.  I don’t know about you, but I find that things just seem to keep speeding up. There’s always more to do and I can never seem to get caught up.

Last week we got a call from our very good friends inviting us to their cabin in a secluded area of the Sunshine Coast in British Columbia.  Their cabin is surrounded by acres of old growth forest, on the ocean, accessible only by boat.  It is the most amazing tranquil place you can imagine.  For the last few years it’s been an annual event.

This year I found myself hesitating, thinking I couldn’t afford the time.  Right now we’re making so many changes in the business.  I’ve hired a number of people to help me and still we’re swamped.

I felt torn.

Finally I decided to go.  When I was telling a client about it they asked me how I had come to the decision, because it seems to be a common dilemma.

It wasn’t easy.  But, what I realized, is there would never be a good time to get away.  When you’re in business, you’re always busy and that’s the way it should be.  If it’s a slow time in terms of revenue, you have to work on increasing your revenue and when revenue is good, it’s a matter of maintaining and always being one step ahead.

It really comes down to your beliefs and values.

I believe that for me to achieve what I want in my life and my business I need to be rested, focused and have clarity of direction.  I believe that if I want to perform optimally, I have to have a way to replenish myself. Sometimes the best way to get the job done means taking a break so I can approach things with a fresh perspective.  And from the personal side, I value time spent with my friends.

I don’t believe their are any hard and fast rules.

Every time we’re faced with options, we have to apply our decision making strategy to that specific situation.  That way when you make the decision, you know it’s the right one.

So I’m now back, feeling refreshed and ready to go.  And the bonus for me was that because nature inspires me,  I even came up with a strategy for my video products as I walked through the forest chatting with my friend.

Creating a balance between work and play is very important. If we want to see growth in our business,we do need to make choices that keep our life balanced, even when work feels more important at the time. When we do we will see the benefits in every area of our life.

It made me think about how many times I’ve been presented with an “opportunity” and how stressful this can be. I’m sure we’ve all heard people say things regarding opportunities, such as “opportunity only knocks once at your door” ” this is the opportunity of a life time” ” if I pass up this opportunity, I’ll never have this chance again”. One question I have is why is it so stressful if it’s truly an opportunity?

In my client’s case, she had a feeling that something just wasn’t right about this but couldn’t put her finger on what it was. Sometimes you have to just trust that feeling because there is generally a basis for it, it’s simply that you can’t consciously pin-point what you saw or heard that is giving you the feeling.

The best way to decide if this really is an “opportunity” for you or if it’s just an “opportunity” for the person making the proposal, is to measure and critique it according to your vision and goals. You also have to use your values as criteria because that’s where our motivation comes from and that’s also how we evaluate our progress and accomplishments. If you just take it at face value without considering it within the context of your life or your business and what’s important to you and where you’re going, you’ll probably find yourself going in circles.

To help you determine if this is a good opportunity for you, there are 2 sets of questions to ask yourself:

1. Does this opportunity help me to meet my goals? Will this move me closer to or farther from what I want to achieve this year?

2. Are the people involved aligned with my values? Take a look at how they present themselves. Is this how you’d want to be represented? What kind of language do they use to capture your attention? Is it towards motivation or away from? By their actions, do they value what you value?

In my clients case, the answer to the first set of questions was no, this would move me farther away from my goals for the year. In answer to the second set of questions, it was clear that their values were also not aligned. By focusing on vision, goals and values, it only took a few minutes for my client to come to the conclusion that this really was not an opportunity for her.

The more clarity you have around who you are and where you’re going, the easier it is to determine if this really is an opportunity.

It’s not about whether it’s an opportunity for anyone else, it’s simply about whether or not it’s an opportunity for you.

The only thing between you and your desires is your beliefs. Your beliefs determine your success in all areas of your life because they drive your behavior. Beliefs are the thoughts we have about ourselves, other people and the world, that fuel our actions.

The thing about beliefs is that we live our life as if they’re true and yet we’ve just made them up. The good news is that we can change them.

Our core beliefs are formed at a very early age. It is believed they are formed between 0 and 7 years of age. The is a time when we are like sponges, taking everything we hear as true with no ability to logically challenge anything. That’s how we learn and how we form our core beliefs and values.

Other beliefs are added as we live our life.

There comes a time in your life when it is important to challenge some of the things you hold true. Based on what you want to achieve in your life, do your beliefs serve to move you closer to your goals or farther away? Do they support you or limit you?

The first step to achieving a goal is a deep desire to achieve it. When it’s a true desire you can feel it as if you already have it. You can see what it’s like, hear what’s going on around you, you are so emotionally attached to achieving your desire that you can almost taste it.

The second step is to discover if you have any beliefs that are going to stop you from achieving your goal. When you believe you can do it or have it you’ll find a way. When you don’t have that strong belief, you’ll be stopped by challenges or obstacles.

Often the beliefs that elude you the most are the ones that are having the most impact on your life. They are so deeply ingrained that you don’t recognize them as beliefs.

There are 3 ways to identify your limiting beliefs.

1. How you respond to others

Pay attention to how you respond to others. When you have a negative emotional response to another person or situation, notice what you’re saying to yourself when you get the feeling or what you’re thinking to yourself. Are you judging them or yourself? Are you negating what they say? Are you defending yourself in some way? The words that come to you are your beliefs.

Often we get so caught up in our emotion that we miss the important message. It’s never about the other person, it’s always about ourselves. What does this tell you about yourself and your limitations?

2. Reflection

What is your life reflecting back to you? What are your results showing or telling you? The question to ask yourself is “what must I believe in order to have these results in my life?”

Look at all areas of your life. Do you have the relationship you want? Do you have the career you want? Do you have the friends and support you want in your life? Do you have the money you want in your life? If not, my question to you is “what’s stopping you from having it now?”.

For example if you don’t have enough money there will be any number of underlying belief that supports you, such as, this is a slow economy, nobody is making money, times are tough, it’s hard to make good money, I don’t have enough education, I don’t have enough time, I’m not lucky………..and the list goes on.

The problem with these beliefs is that when you hold them, you act as if they are true which means you accept the consequences of them and don’t look to overcome your situation.

3. Continuing Life Patterns

Notice if you have any patterns that you seem to repeat in your life. Do you always end relationships? Do you spend more money then you make? Do pay off your bills only to stack the up again? Do you reach a level of success and then something happens so you have to start over again? Do you continually attract people into your life who aren’t trustworthy? Are you constantly struggling to get ahead?

In order to recognize the patterns, you have to be willing to see them without judgement. Some of the patterns may permeate more than one area of your life. Often there are clusters of beliefs that are linked together, so it’s important to get to the clusters.

Once you recognize your limiting beliefs and how they’ve limited you in your life, it’s time to change them. When I work with a client to change those limiting beliefs the transformation is remarkable. Once they’ve eliminated those elusive, invisible barriers, they are able to move forward to live the lifestyle they desire.

As I was standing up to deplane at Heathrow airport, I hear a voice behind me calling quietly “Is that you Lynn Robinson?” When I turned around, I couldn’t believe my eyes.

Last year when I was speaking at the CANLP Conference, there was another speaker who I had always planned on meeting and never got around to it even though she lived fairly close to me. There we were speaking on the other side of the country and we finally met. We had both heard of each other and had planned to connect and just never did.

We were so excited to finally meet and hear each other speak. We made an instant connection and decided we had to get together as soon as we returned home. We both felt we were meant to do something together.

We did connect once on the phone, and our schedules just didn’t match up so unfortunately, we never did meet.

So there I was, hearing my name called behind me and when I turned around, guess who was there. Yes, the same person. What are the chances?

Once I turned around we talked non-stop until we had to separate because they were going on to Rome. Now you could think this is just a coincidence, or you could think that something’s up and we are definitely meant to connect and explore how we might work together.

I’m not sure how many times we have to be placed in front of each other miles from home to get the message.

I’d say it’s time to pay attention and take action.

I’ll keep you posted on how we progress.

What about you? Are there things in your life that keep showing up and you keep ignoring them? Is it time for you to pay attention and take action?

We had separated a few months earlier, which had been a surprise to me at the time.

My daughter was around 9 months old and my son was just over 3 and I didn’t know how I was going to cope with being a single mom. Especially when my heart was breaking.

At some point as I was sitting there, I seemed to hear this inner voice that said “you have a choice to either focus on what you have in your life which you love, or you can focus on what’s missing.” At that point I had a flash of what my life would be like if I focused on what I loved, which was my children and what my life would be like if I focused on what was missing, which was my husband. I could see two different paths leading in opposite directions. I instinctively knew which path I would take and I also knew that I had to consciously focus on the love I had for my children otherwise it would be too easy to go down the other path. I had to trust my inner guidance without question.

I decided at that moment to focus on my children. Because of that one choice our life was filled with love and joy. I’m not saying that at that time I wouldn’t have rather stayed together as a family, but since that wasn’t the case, it was up to me to create a life filled with love and joy for myself and my children.

That was a pivotal life-changing decision for me and impacted everything I did from that point forward. It was definitely an ”Oh Shift” moment for me.

I often think back to that time and am so grateful for the choice I made.

Sometimes life’s challenges can be overwhelming and not exactly what we had hoped for. No matter what happens, we always have a choice as to how we will respond and that choice will impact the direction of the rest of our life.

When shift happens what will you choose?

2001 started out as my best year as far as business goes. I had been hired by a company out of New York and London, England to develop training programs and deliver them in some of the most amazing venues I had ever worked in.

At the end of August I was presenting in New York and flying on to London to present the same program. We were delivering a leadership program to clients in the financial markets.

As usual I met some amazing people in each of the workshops and spent time with the leadership team doing some strategizing.

When I left London, the team was also leaving to set up for a trade show in the world trade center in New York. They were so enthusiastic about the show. Some of them were attending for the first time and were very excited about being a part of the event.

One of my best friends and also a business colleague, was supposed to be there for the set up. He decided he would instead go on September 11^th.

As we awoke to the newsflashes about the twin towers, all I could think about was all the people who I knew would be attending the tradeshow.

I had no way of knowing if my best friend had already arrived or who was in the building at the time. I tried to call London to find out if anyone knew anything only to find all circuits busy.

As I waited for news along with so many others, I remembered how each day we went through the World Trade Center to get the subway to the office. I remembered the first time I went to Windows on the World in the trade center on the 107 floor of tower two, watching the planes fly at the same height we were at.

Finally I heard from my friend, he was just about to board when the first plane hit. I was so grateful for his safety. Now the wait for the rest of the news.

Unfortunately we lost most of the people in the New York office and the team from the London office.

The personal loss was very sad for so many people and yet everyone had to carry on.

I was asked to help coach the people who were left. This was a great challenge and meant that I had to first reconcile things within myself before I could help others.

I had no idea just how much this would personally impact my life. At the time all I could think of was the others who were impacted and how I could help.

Eight years later looking back there was no way of knowing the positive impact of this tragic event that would permeate our lives.

We saw differences put aside, acts of kindness, generosity, an outpouring of love and a real appreciation for the special relationships we have in our own life. We cherished those special people and took nothing for granted.

Are we still living like that or have we forgotten?

Treasure each day because there is no going back.

I’ve presented this course 100’s of times and yet I am always in awe at the commitment people have towards building a good life and being the best person they can be.

One of the first things we look at is the Presuppositions of NLP, which are beliefs that were held by people who were consistently excellent at what they did. By taking on these beliefs, your perspective of the world changes and your relationships transform.

One of the presuppositions or beliefs is to respect each person’s model of the world. That can be challenging when we don’t agree with them. It’s so easy to judge others when they don’t think like us.

It doesn’t mean you agree with the person, it just means you are willing to respect them as a human being who has different life experiences to you and therefore sees the world through different eyes. When we approach them from this place, our communication completely changes.

What came out of this was a great conversation about relationships and friendship and how does this apply when you don’t agree with someone you care about.

What if you don’t agree with their behaviour? The question was, do you tell them?

So how do you respond especially when you’ve had a long standing relationship with the person. There are two ways you can go. One is deciding that you’re not aligned at a level of values and you walk away, or two, you accept the person because they mean a lot to you and support them where they’re at in their life.

One of the things about friendship is that it comes about because we’re aligned in our values. The same things are important to us. People change, circumstances change and sometimes we need to reevauate our relationship. There is no need to judge the person, you just need to decide if you’re still aligned. Sometimes that isn’t easy. Some people believe you stick with friends through thick and thin. That may be the case. And what you want to notice is do you still want to be friends based on the changes in the relationship? That isn’t an easy thing to look at. It takes courage and a commitment to honour yourself and the other person. Compromising your values will only lead to an unfulfilling relationship.

Another point that came up was around telling people what you think about their behaviour when you don’t agree. Unless you’ve been asked for your input or it affects you directly, it’s none of your business. Unsolicited advice and opinions only elicit defensive responses.

Accept the person as they are or release them without judgment.